So there’s three methods of consumption for this particular herb: drinking a tea, smoking it, and grinding it up and taking it in capsules.
Tim and I chose to smoke it for our first round, since we didn’t have capsules and have heard that the tea is ridiculously bitter and hard to get down. I guess it takes quite a bit of it for an individual to experience the full effects, but because last night was sort of a test round- I only smoked about two bowls. Tim smoked almost four…needless to say he got more effects than I did.
He usually cannot recall his dreams but was actually able to give me some details about what happened this time…I also witnessed him doing some weird stuff while he was sleeping as I awoke to it a few times. One of those times he was making an om noise that progressively got louder and louder…I shook him and asked him what was wrong but he didn’t respond at first, and when he did, he snapped out of it very quickly with a “what?” and when I told him what happened he had no recollection and fell right back asleep. I awoke several other times to him talking to himself, which is weird because I don’t think I’ve ever seen him to that…and we have been together for almost 11 months now.
For me, though, this is a hard one for me to gauge because I already experience very vivid and clear dreams almost every single night (more recently, they are always nightmares). That was one thing I was worried about with this, because I didn’t know how it would affect that aspect of it, make them worse, etc.
Initially after smoking it I felt a slight high…this could have been placebo…it also could have been a simple lightheadedness from the constant deep inhaling.
I felt extremely relaxed though, and found it easy to fall into a deep sleep pretty quickly. This is abnormal for me, especially recently…as I have had real difficulty sleeping, especially the initial falling asleep part this past month or so.
SO. My dream experience:
I had persistent nightmares involving my family, which is typical for me. The lucidity and my ability to shift the events, however, was something that I haven’t experienced yet with these particular nightmares. This could be placebo, coincidence, or small effects from the dream herb…I’m not sure. Either way- it was refreshing to have that victory…usually I wake up sad, helpless, and sometimes in tears.
It started out with me being held captive in a room where I was up to my chest in putrid water. I was filthy and with strangers that I had never seen before, and all I remember wanting was to be able to clean myself. I closed my eyes and suddenly an old family friend came to my aid and helped me sneak out to a bathroom where I got myself a handful of hand soap before I was forced back into the room. I washed myself off and felt a bit better…then somehow it was like I blinked my eyes and I was free.
I was in a town with my dad’s side of the family (it is unclear where we were, though). I was shopping with my cousin, but didn’t have money to buy anything…then we went to an ice cream shop where I ordered a waffle cone of mint chocolate chip ice cream, but my cousin had done something that prevented her from getting any for herself. The cashier had her artwork sitting on the check out counter- it was ink illustrations of naked men and women using Celtic knots and other geometric designs. The girl insulted the cashier’s work and told her that her portraits were inaccurate and that she should give up on her artwork. I could tell the cashier was getting upset, and when it was my turn to check out that same lady came back and asked me what I thought of it as if she were trying to get me to join in on her lame attempt at bullying. I simply told her that I loved the style of the girl’s work and that I thought her to have a captivating and unique style. She seemed pissed, then sat back down at her table.
I blinked again, and I was in my old house with my mom, stepdad, and little brother Dominic back in Maricopa. (This house holds horrible, disgusting memories for me…and is often is the setting of my nightmares.) The darkness inside reflected the darkness outside, it was cold and unsettling and we all just sat there on a couch facing our front window. Watching for what we knew was coming, but only seeing a sheet of black outside. We knew they were out to get us. Who “they” were, I have no idea. But I knew that all four of our lives were in danger. I asked my stepdad if he had a gun, he said he didn’t. The only weapon I had access to was a knife. I felt hopeless. I knew they had guns and stronger forces that would inevitably defeat my family and I was shaking at the thought of it.
I blinked once more, and suddenly we were sitting in a room with my stepdad’s mother, other faces I can’t remember (I knew they were evil), and oddly enough- Sita and Rama, Goddess and God depicted in the Ramayana. We were sitting in what looked like a conference room, all facing each other. We knew what was going to happen. I knew we were going to die.
It was all about to unfold when Sita looked at me, she didn’t say anything- it was as if we were telepathically communicating, but she let me know that things were going to be alright. She told me that there were people hiding in the vents that had guns pointed at the heads of those evil faces. I felt better, but nervous. I knew things were about to get real, I was sitting in the corner shaking and at the time I felt like a viewer, rather than a participant in the dream.
I blinked again, and I was one of those people inside the vents. I was holding a gun pointed at one of the faces. Sita looked at me with an “okay, do it now.” I shot the gun at a man who turned into my stepdad’s mother at the last moment. She fell to the ground in a bloody mess and was gasping for breath. She died in a pool of her own blood.
I had killed her.
I was crying, but I had to protect my brother. He was innocent, crying in the opposite corner of the room. I felt that he was alone. A man came at him and tried to kill him and as soon as I had a good aim, I shot him. He fell over, and behind him stood my brother, crying, holding his face. Fuck. I didn’t think of that. I didn’t think of the bullet impacting both of them. Fuck fuck fuck I just killed my brother. No. God, please no.
My heart started to fall out of my chest, had I killed him? I’m a monster. Oh my god, I shot my brother, I am a monster, how did I do this? I began to sob, and I broke out of the vent.
I closed my eyes and thought to myself ‘I didn’t kill him, he is fine, he is just fine, there is no way I killed him, he is going to be alright’ and when I opened them I looked up to see that he had only a slight scratch on his cheek. He was bleeding, but he was okay. Everything was alright. My nana was lying dead on the floor and God knows where the rest of my family was, but everything was alright. I knew it.
…yeah. Heavy shit. It was a very odd dream, and like I said…it wasn’t anything new. I have god awful nightmares about the people I love most all. the. time. But the thing that was different was the fact that I was able to change the events any time they started getting really, really bad…I mean I didn’t save my stepdad’s mother (this might have something to do with a whole, bad history regarding her, I’m not sure…) but I saved the little guy that was most important to me. My family was okay, I escaped from the disgusting prison I was held captive in from the beginning.
This doesn’t usually happen with these particular dreams, so it was nice.
Like I said, I’m not sure if this was due to the Calea, or if it was a simple coincidence…but either way, Tim and I have decided to take the herb through capsule next time…a few hours into sleep when we are entering that deep REM stage.
I haven’t decided whether or not I want to try it as a hallucinogen…but I’m highly considering it. It is used that way by simply staying awake rather than using it during sleep. I guess it produces slight auditory and visual hallucinations…which I think would be pretty cool.
I don’t have many reservations about it because of what I have read of it, and the fact that it is a natural substance. But we will see.
I am hoping it is more effective next time and that I have more definite results…hopefully some crazy cool dreams rather than crazy stressful ones…so wish us luck.